Buddha Love: Sustaining an intimate partner relationship
| Buddhism | Consciousness | Love in the workplace | Partner relationships |
Contents
- Suffering
- Difference
- Love
- Happiness
- Buddha Love
- Quotes
- Ending
- AI video
- References
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Abstract: A practical methodology entitled Buddha Love is outlined, utilising management of individual suffering according to Buddhist philosophical principles, alongside a commitment to love through twelve actions (Trust / Commitment / Affection / Appreciation / Empathy / Friendship / Physical intimacy / Compromise / Respect / Kindness / Quality time / Generosity) in order to achieve a sustainable intimate partner relationship which enhances the well-being of those involved.
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1. Suffering & giving up on love
Life is all about love. Survival of the species depends upon it, and individual happiness and well-being is usually tied closely to it. However, the love experienced by couples in recent times has lost its place in being seen as key to the above (Levine 2025). The goal of falling in love has diminished, replaced by a striving for independence in action and thought, pursuit of materialism, and the distractions of modern life (Rogers 2025). The associated ideal of a long-term, intimate partner relationship - a relationship of mutual support - is a victim of this disruption of social norms (Perry 2023a). Young men are steering clear of female relationships and physical intimacy, with the latter often, and readily, replaced by porn and living at home, comforted - or simply distracted - by social media and gaming; young women are pursuing careers, putting off marriage and family, and entering later life financially secure, yet single and childless.
Both sexes are now facing to an unprecedented degree instances of relationship breakdown, divorce, and isolation from traditional support networks such as community and extended family. They are being forced to instead rely ever-diminishing friendship networks which were always there, though usually only as a supplement to a loving partner relationship, and not a replacement.
The statistics here are staggering, with the bad outweighing the good (Williamson 2023). Academics, practitioners such as psychologists and counsellors, the media, and social media commentators are now calling this out, as birth rates decline around the world and divorce rates hover around 56% in the Western world. The traditional refrain of love and marriage .... goes together like a horse an carriage is now viewed as something to be feared, rather than cherished, due in part to high personal and financial costs, divorce and relationship breakup impacts on families, and socioeconomic changes across the board where marriage and long-term commitment is no longer viewed as a necessary requirement of societal and population stability, or as a path to individual happiness and contentment.
The following two interview excerpts support this analysis, highlighting the negative impacts alongside the once-dominant, but still available and present in part, positives:
Louise Perry (b), Why men are quietly giving up on women, Chris Williamson, YouTube, duration: 16.43 minutes.
Chris Williamson, Why men and women are giving up on love, The diary of a CEO, 14 April 2023, YouTube, duration: 11.44 minutes.
One of the outcomes of the sexual revolution of the 1960s, as highlighted by Louise Perry, was the realization by many that they were no longer bound by marriage to an intimate partner relationship which entailed an obligatory till death do us part. In other words, there was (1) the promise of increased sexual freedom for both parties arising out of the availability of a contraceptive pill and rejection of prior, conservative social norms; (2) the recognition of the rightful expansion of rights of women, supported by the feminist movement, including increased independence through engagement in the workforce (onsite or online), the use of childcare facilities, technologies such as washing machines, clothes dryers and fast-food; and (3) liberation from unhappy and abusive marriages and partner relationships. Also being increasingly ignored were the constraints placed on traditional marriage by societal pressures and religious doctrine such as the Catholic decree that sex should only be undertaken within the sanctity of marriage and for procreation, and Islamic practices including arranged marriages for young girls.
All of this in combination helps explain the the subsequent high rates of divorce, relationship breakdown, and increased promiscuity amongst the sexes, especially in Western society. It was promoted at the time and over the following decades that the obligation to long-term monogamy was not necessarily in the best interests of the parties involved, of families, and of society in general. To be bound to an unhappy and physically or emotionally abusive partner relationship was transformed from an acceptable and often inescapable norm, to something unreasonable and possibly even criminal.
The unbridled resultant pursuit of happiness brought with it an increase in hedonistic behaviours and more and more married couples heading to the divorce court. Along the way, the ideal of a long-term intimate partner relationship lost much of its gloss and was, by the early 2000s, often seen as a trap, rather than a path to sustainable well-being, with love as the glue holding it together. Half a century after the social revolutions of the 1960s, the radical societal changes were now being subject to a critical reassessment. This was brought about in part by the onset of additions such as the introduction of gay marriage, transgenderism, Woke, the #MeToo movement, a decrease in sustainable birth rates across various countries, the primacy of sex being replaced by gender identity, and the increase in individual isolation in the wake of abandonment of community and family commitment. People now stayed at home glued to screens engaging with social media, rather than participating in face-to-face interactions with actual humans.
All of this was highlighted in Louise Perry's controversial book The Case Against the Sexual Revolution which highlighted the negative impacts upon both women in particularly and broader society more generally (Perry 2022). Since its release, people had begun to look again at the positive aspects of intimate partner relationships and long-term commitment, as was the norm prior to the 1960s and especially within the context of traditional marriage. It was argued that its often frivolous abandonment was perhaps best replaced by a reconsideration and more active attempts to fight for a return to a love-based ideal which naturally affirmed commitment and sustainability. This did not negate the need to continue to distance oneself from toxic, harmful relationships, or to free women from the constraints of an aggressive and dominant mysogeny; but it did support a reconsideration of the desire to enjoy the positive aspects of an intimate partner relationship in the new millennium.
So how could two people both seek and achieve a long-term, sustainable, intimate partner relationship, and one which may focus around a family, if so desired? The answer is Buddha Love - a methodology developed by the present writer during 2025. It aims to both protect and sustain such a relationship, no matter what stage of life the partners are at, and whether it be in the throes of youthful passion or seeing out one's twilight years.
This article outlines a simple, two-part methodology for addressing the contentious issue of sustaining love within the context of an intimate partnership. It includes references and video presentations which provide pathways to achieving sustainability, minimizing the toxic impacts of individual suffering, and the ultimate attainment of a long-term, loving relationship. The author utilises specific learnings from a number of contemporary British and American counsellors, alongside historic analyses by influential psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and psychologists. In addition, the teachings of the Buddha form the basis for self-management of suffering - a core element of the methodology which can be summarised as follows, under the label Buddha Love:
- BSM (Buddha Suffering Management) - utilising the teaching of the Buddha to deal with suffering to the extent that it does not hinder or inhibit a partner relationship. This involves an openness to one's own behaviours and in communication between partners.
- LoveX12 - comprising the following twelve elements which encompass the necessary elements of love: Trust / Commitment / Affection / Appreciation / Empathy / Friendship / Physical intimacy / Compromise / Respect / Kindness / Quality time / Generosity.
Falling in love, and being in love, is perhaps the most significant relationship one will have at any point in time, aside from that with their children. It is the most intense, sustaining, satisfying, uplifting and often longest. It can also be the most heartbreaking and traumatic. Why? Because we often bring our suffering and corresponding negative energy into the relationship, either knowingly or unknowingly, and do this throughout the term of that relationship. As a result, it can have a toxic, debilitating effect, leading to partnership breakdown and divorce.
We can never hide our true feelings whilst in an intimate partner relationship. Our emotions emit energy which is transmitted (broadcast) outside of our body to those close too us, such as intimate partners and family, enabling them to pick up on our true emotional state, whether it be hidden or openly revealed, conscious or subconscious (Myth Weaver 2025). For example, if we ask our partner: "Is everything okay?" and they answer, "Yes, everything is fine, no problem," they may in fact not be telling the truth, whether they know it or not. This is because their real state of emotional energy - which could be positive, neutral or negative - cannot be hidden from those close to them.
This is problematic, especially if we are feeling negative or suffering, and trying to manage our suffering and protect the intimate partnership from it by accepting responsibility for that suffering and not wanting to force it upon our other, or make it an everyday part of the relationship. Therefore, both partners need to understand this inherent openness in regard to how we really feel, for in engaging in an intimate relationship we unknowingly open ourselves up to a level of emotional exposure which we may not want, and which we may in fact be fearful of revealing. This is fine when our emotional energy is neutral or positive, such as when we are happy, but problematic when it is negative and toxifying, or one of the partners is not willing, or psychologically able, to open themselves up in such a manner.
In all instances, a partner relationship needs to be nourished, cherished and protected, which may require it to be isolated from the negative energy around. It also needs to be recognised for what it is, and the constraints placed upon it, whether meaningfully or not. It should not be neglected or taken for granted, and there must be a commitment from both parties to sustain it. This commitment must entail the twelve elements of love referred to above (LoveX12), the elimination of external suffering as a driving factor within the relationship, and openness in managing the process of sustainability. The latter point is perhaps the most difficult, as open conversations need to replace arguments and emotional outbursts - something not easily done. It is recognised that changing behaviour in this way is no overnight process; but it is also felt that free will is an enabler of the possibility of success. We merely need to begin, by putting our mind to it.
If sustaining an intimate, partner relationship is so hard, then why bother? The answer, of course, is that to participate in, and sustain, such a relationship has wide-ranging positive benefits for both parties. These can range across the physical, social, psychological and spiritual spectrum. Yet reality reveals the commonality of relationship breakdown, divorce, and sadness, before, during and after. Relationship breakdown and divorce currently stands at around 56% in Western and Asian societies. As the cause of immense suffering, and often itself caused by individual suffering, it is worth considering a means to sustain the magic of falling in love and being in love - a core element of any intimate relationship - without reaching a stage where the reality of that fact is questioned by one or other or both parties, leading to dissipation of connection, separation, and divorce or replacement with a new partner.
Whilst most people would look to traditional management of the relationship as key, there is something more important, and more significant in regards to its long-term sustainability, namely self-management of suffering, through self-care and understanding of self. The teachings of the Buddha are considered by the present writer to be fundamental in achieving this. Self-care is key to a long, happy, healthy life, both within and outside of a partner relationship. Self-care points to the fact that each and every individual is ultimately responsible for achieving management of suffering throughout their life, as it is encountered along the way. This suffering may be temporary or permanent, slight or life changing. Self-knowledge is another vital element. It is usually associated with the aging process and the getting of wisdom through experiences, direct or learned.
Using the directed teachings of the Buddha, and with increasing confidence in one's self, the world can be faced and the challenges of suffering addressed. Support may come from various quarters - teachers, intimate partners, children and family, friends or community. However, in order to manage suffering, the buck stops with the individual. One cannot simply blame the outside world for suffering faced and unhappiness felt, or look to others for its cessation. Blame solves nothing. To enter a never-ending loop of blame, emotional outpouring and seeking revenge for past actions is both emotionally draining and physically debilitating. One's suffering must be self managed - set aside when the relationship is in play - and come to terms over times with as self-care becomes the focus.
The extent to which individuals suffer, and bring suffering into a relationship, varies according to circumstances such as nature or the nurturing process. Childhood and early adult experiences can give rise to trauma which persists throughout one's life, and be subject to unwanted triggers. The role of parents is key, emphasising the impact of the presence of unconditional love (aka. attuned care) within their own partner relationship and its impact upon how they exhibit or reveal it to their children. A lacking in love and understanding by parents or guardians can give rise to suffering in the form of, among other things, ongoing trauma and diminished mental well-being (de Botton 2025).
Self-care and knowledge of self are therefore key to long-term contentment and attainment of happiness, such that an individual can then bring that self-awareness into their partner relationship and not add to the suffering of others, including their partner.
The following videos and commentary address some of the issues surrounding personal development in regards to managing partner relationships and attachment to an individual, for this can be the ultimate focus in life at any point in time, on par with the role as parent. For both tasks (i.e., partner or parent), the aim is to be the best one can be, as encompassed in the Tibetan mantra Om mani padme om / Help me be the best I can, which leads to happiness, or in the Buddhist context a Nirvana or Shambala on earth.
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2. Difference
Two books by American neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine - The Female Brain (2007) and The Male Brain (2011) - highlighted the inherent differences between men and woman, largely due to their basic chemical makeup, with one dominated by estrogen and progesterone, and the other by testosterone. The material presented herein is representative of that which has brought the present writer - a male - to develop the Buddha Love methodology. At this point it should be recognised that there are biases here, centred around those differences between the sexes, in addition to layer's imposed by modern-day gender diversity. These differences operate within intimate partner relationships, and their management by both are often key to issues of sustainability.
The present writer, for example, recognises the inherent male bias, or perception of bias, present in this article. A genuine effort has been made to ameliorate this, whilst realising that the very nature of the topic and reality of the situation make that near impossible. In the so-called "war between the sexes" the lines have long been drawn. However, as Kate Bush expounded in her 1985 / 2022 hit song Running Up That Hill (A Deal with God), whilst it would be ideal to make a deal with God to "swap places" with one's partner (i.e. male with female, female with male, or any other gender variations) in order to - for a time at least - understand the perspective of the partner, such a deal is not possible. As Bush sang, "If I only could....."
Kate Bush, Running up that hill (A Deal with God), live, 1987.
In seeking amelioration towards a less biased view, the writer has made use of, and been heavily influenced by, female counselors such as Karyn Seitz and Laura How, neuroscientist Mayam Bialik, and YouTuber June Nicole Lapine in order to balance the views of influential historic male commentators on relationship matters such as Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. Separate male and female relationship "brutal truths" lists by Australian YouTuber Margarita Nazarenko are summarised below and present a largely alternate view to that developed within the article (Nazarenko 2025). There is obviously truth on both sides; but there is also scope for problem solving, conflict resolution and compromise to ensure the sustainability of the intimate partner relationship.
The process of ameliorating bias is therefore only successful to a degree, as the writer's views are reflected in the social media nature of the present article, which lies outside of the intended unbiased framework of an academic equivalent. Nevertheless, the methodology presented below - Buddha Love, or Suffering Management + LoveX12 - aims to be sex / gender neutral. The writer also believes it is a practical, workable solution.
As a result of the rise of second wave feminism during the 1960s, and more recently the #MeToo movement, there are numerous analyses available in print and online from the female perspective in regards to the suffering men bring to relationships, mostly centred around misogyny, a suffocating neediness, and pre-emptive anxiety over relationship breakdown. One of these is the commentary by Appollonia Ponti presented below:
How to stop being needy and insecure - 8 tips for men, Appollonia Ponti, 22 August 2018, YouTube, duration: 11.32 minutes.
It has been said that intimate partner relationship breakdown is often the result of actions, or lack of actions, by both parties, though obviously to varying degrees, and especially in regards to who finally takes action to end a relationship. It is hoped that in studying and putting into practice the Buddha Love methodology, such breakdowns can be averted.
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3. Love
Love lies at the heart of every intimate partner relationship, whilst reciprocity is key, for the needs of both parties are reasonable and necessary if it is to achieve sustainability. One partner cannot dominate the other, or ignore the other. In the parent relationship the role is often as teacher and guide. However, the complex nature of the partner relationship is different and little appreciated. Aspects of the depth of significance of, for example, physical and psychological attachment - a key element of the partner relationship - were revealed in 2012 by a neuroscientist and a psychologist, as follows:
Numerous studies show that once we become attached to someone the two of us form one physiological unit. Our partner regulates our blood pressure, our heart rate, our breathing, and the levels of hormones in our blood. We are no longer separate entities. The emphasis on differentiation that is held by most of today's popular psychology approaches to adult relationships does not hold water from a biology perspective. Dependency is a fact; it is not a choice or a preference. (Levine and Heller 2012)
The rejection of traditional counseling and partner relationship treatments, as noted in the previous paragraph, will be seen throughout this article. The element of dependency mentioned above is another word for the whole "Do you have my back?" feeling which enhances intimacy. In a similar vein, love's essential role in human well-being was revealed in the academic study A General Theory of Love (Lewis et al. 2001). It was also touched upon in the following YouTube short by Dr. Deepak Chopra:
Deepak Chopra, This is how souls heal each other, YouTube, 2025.
Examples of reasonable and required partner relationship needs and actions - all of which can be wrapped up into a neat bundle labelled Love times 12 / LoveX12 - include the following, as highlighted in English counselor Laura How's Truth podcast which is linked in below (How 2024):
- Trust
- Commitment
- Affection
- Appreciation
- Empathy
- Friendship
- Satisfying sex (aka. physical intimacy)
- Compromise
- Respect
- Kindness
- Quality time
- Generosity
It can be seen that many of these are closely related and, in fact, form an holistic whole that encompasses much of what is entailed in falling in love and being in love. They merely codify things that are already known and experienced by couples. These elements are elaborated upon in the following YouTube video by How, from which the twelve elements were taken. The needs and actions relate to both individuals forming a partnership, whether male and female, or other gender mix.
How to get your relationship needs met, Laura How - Truth, 27 November 2024, YouTube, duration: 14.35 minutes.
The above presentation has four main actions centred around open communication required in order to obtain legitimate and necessary intimate relationship needs:
- Identify your needs clearly to yourself
- Communicate them to your partner
- Take care of yourself
- Work out who you are dealing with
It is important to address these needs, and the situation at hand, with loving kindness and compassion, and maintain an open perspective regarding both sides. Real communication between the two is also key. Without open, frank, communication in which blame and shame is not a factor, the Buddha Love methodology will fail. However, if both parties are aware that the methodology emphasizes a commitment to love and to the relationship, then its status is raised and, hopefully, a clearer understanding of the need for a specific commitment, not tethered to individual suffering, is achieved.
Beyond this, two YouTube video interviews presented by actress and neuroscientist Mayam Bialik (Amy of The Big Bang Theory) reinforce the health and well-being attributes of a long-term, loving, partner relationship, as opposed to experiencing solitude, relationship breakdown, and the negative physical and psychological impacts arising as a result. The first video deals with the causes of affairs and divorce and offers a recipe for relationship success. The interviewees therein are Drs. John and Julie Gottman, two very experienced US psychologists and relationship experts in their early 70s - one addressing the subject from an academic standpoint, and the other from a practical, clinical stance.
Why women are more unhappily married, Dr. Mayam Bialik, 6 August 2024, YouTube, duration: 138 minutes.
Bialik's second video interview looks at the science behind enhanced physical intimacy, in all its varieties. The interviewee is Susan Bratton.
The science behind good sex and how to have sexual intimacy, Dr. Mayam Bialik, 18 February 2025, YouTube, duration: 88 minutes.
As noted in the LoveX12 listings, physical intimacy is key to the sustainability of an intimate, partner relationship. This can range from a simple phone call, being in the same room together, physical touch such as holding hands and embracing and, ultimately sexual intimacy as in kissing and intercourse, all of which can also entail some degree of psychological openness and attachment beyond the physical elements.
All parties place a varying degree of emphasis on physical intimacy during the life of a partnership, and in many instances its absence can be the cause of relationship breakdown or extra-marital affairs. Why do individuals in intimate partnerships have such affairs? The main reason is that the partnership is failing and that the person, after much consideration, begins to consider, and/or look for, a replacement whilst they are still in the partnership.
Why don't they leave? Because loneliness (unhappiness) within the partnership is better than being alone. The resulting breakup can then take three forms, two of which may be devastating to the aggrieved partner: (1) They leave without telling their partner why; (2) they leave following a period of discussion in which they tell their partner why they are not happy, but no solution is reached; and (3) both parties, following open communication, come to the realisation that the partnership has broken down and they agree to separate for the good of both. The latter does not mean that they do not still have deep feelings for each other; it simply means that the partnership is not a truly intimate one, and that the LoveX12 scenario is not being applied by one or both.
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4. Happiness
Happy individuals will sustain a happy partner relationship (Harasymchuk 2022)
As noted above, happiness comes from within, not without. Both partners are ultimately responsible for their own happiness, in the knowledge that the external environment is often the source of suffering. This is reinforced in the following short video from American counselor Karyn Seitz (Seitz 2023). The message is quite stark and confronting, arising in large part out of Seitz's first-hand experience and professional engagement with both men and women.
Karyn Seitz, Stop trying to make your wife happy, The Happy Wife School, 7 October 2023, YouTube, duration: 0.57 minutes.
This philosophy ties in with Buddhist teachings around managing suffering. The forms of suffering encountered during a lifetime vary greatly, ranging from purely physical through to emotional. As one YouTuber observed: Being needed isn't the same as being loved. For either party to realise that, is to understand action is needed if true love is to be ignited and an intimate partner relationship is to achieve reciprocity.
Another view from Seitz goes to the core of much of the conflict between partners, namely that males are "problem solvers" and females are "pain avoiders", which is in many ways analogous to the well-known fight or flight behaviour identified in humans. This philosophy also ties in with much of the early twentieth century writings of Freud and Jung and it can manifest as emotional dysregulation (Wikipedia 2025). According to a Google search AI overview: Emotional dysregulation refers to the inability or difficulty in managing one's emotional responses, leading to intense or inappropriate reactions that can disrupt daily life. This can involve experiencing emotions too strongly, for too long, or in ways that don't fit the situation. Both partners can experience this, and addressing it in a clinical setting is common place (Chelak 2025). In the following video Seitz addresses it from the female perspective and the impact upon an intimate partner relationship:
Karyn Seitz, Why your wife is so emotionally dysregulated, The Happy Wife School, 4 May 2025, YouTube, duration: 70.08 minutes.
Associated with this is the use of emotion to avoid conflict. In being emotional, core issues can be left unaddressed, such that whereas a process of calm, self-reflection can provide a solution and enable the individual to address an issue and eventually move on, leaving it behind. By instead adopting an emotional and angry or aggressive / blame stance, the issue is avoided, never discussed in detail, and never solved. This flies in the face of much recent psychological and psychiatric practice, where emotional release is encouraged. Unfortunately, the reality is that ...there is no feeling in being emotional. That is, true feeling is ignored through anger and emotional outbursts, wherein the individual takes flight. As noted by the Buddhist Master Hsing Yun:
The inability to control anger creates the root cause of social and family chaos .... A person does not suffer any loss if they endure a moment's anger. In fact, they place themselves at the greatest advantage. To forebear is not a sign of cowardice but an act of courage. As long as a person is able to restrain themselves and not be affected by a moment's anger, they will succeed in their undertakings. (Yun 2024)
Managing one's suffering in this way, especially within an intimate partner relationship, is key to the success of the methodology presented herein. It does not mean that the root cause of the anger should not be talked about, but the complete opposite in fact. Once the anger subsides, a process of open, compassionate communication can take place to address the issue. A concensus can then be reached so that the two parties can move forward, rather than allow the issue to eat away at the relationship like a cancer.
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5. Buddha Love
In taking on board the above information, the writer offers a two-phased solution for achieving and sustaining a long-term, intimate, partner relationship:
1. Buddha suffering self-management (details summarised above and below)
2. LoveX12 (action items outlined above)
The first action involves implementation of a strategy of removing personal suffering from the partner relationship through direct intent, and based upon self-management of that suffering by the person experiencing the suffering, increasing their awareness and understanding of it, and therefore ultimately accepting responsibility for its management. This removes from the relationship the threat of blame being cast upon the other, or the other being tasked with solving their partner's suffering. That task of suffering management must rest outside the partner relationship.
The primary methodology applied to the relief of suffering ("Dhukka") is development of an understanding of the teachings of Buddha, especially those around suffering which are focussed on this (Littlefair 2020). Looking inward - both alongside the contemporary process of mindfulness, but also with the help of devices such as diaries and journals which enable one to record life events and go back over them to support later learnings - enables one to address the issue of the management of suffering going forward (do Botton 2025b).
The second element is to recognise the significance of the partner relationship, treat it as a separate entity, ensure that individual suffering is not brought to bear upon the relationship, and secrete it away to the degree where it can breathe and develop without being brought down by the intrusion of personal suffering. The LoveX12 action list will guide its implementation.
In combination, both strategies will support the nourishment of intimate partner relationships. Without achievement of suffering self-management, the toxic nature of partner suffering will destroy it. With a will on the part of both parties, behaviours which can negatively impact upon partner relationships, and which have been developed largely subconsciously since birth, can be shut down, at least held at bay from the intimate environment of the relationship, resulting in enhanced well-being for all those involved.
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6. Quotes
* Men simply want something good to die for; to make it beautiful to live. This manifests in a lot of ways, but the most common is having a loving partner and/or a family. (Levine 2025)
* The fact [is] this is very much the female fantasy as well: a man loving you for who you are despite your flaws; literally sweeping you off your feet and carrying you around on adventures; helping you live out your dreams, face your fears and supporting you through the good and bad times. (Levine 2025)
* The average male fantasy is the fantasy of both men and women alike: it is simply to love and to be loved .... more specifically the male fantasy is to be a protector and a provider for those that they love. (Levine 2025)
June Nicole Lapine, Is this 'The Average Male Fantasy'?, ShoeOnHead, 3 June 2025, YouTube, duration: 29.03 minutes.
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7. Ending
The harsh reality is that at the end of the day the responsibility for the breakup of an intimate partner relationship - one founded on love - is fairly and squarely on the shoulders of both partners. The blame ultimately lies with both. Why? Because they were not able to manage their individual suffering and prevent its toxifying effects from smothering and negatively impacting upon the love that was the core element of the partnership.
The level of blame may vary. It emerges from the individual suffering that is present in both parties. The inability to escape the resultant continuous loop of blaming and shaming is key to partnership diminution of love and eventual breakdown. The process may be expressed consciously, as in open argument drenched in emotion which fails to diminish or remove the suffering; or sub-consciously through unspoken scenarios which induce a sickening pit in the stomach, the presence of heartache, and reduced immunity to sickness, repeated over an extensive period due to the aforementioned never-ending loop of fight-or-flight inducing conflict.
Openly communicating the reality of the situation throughout the length of the partnership is the responsibility of both parties, and cannot be one-sided. Communication breakdown should not be blamed on one or the other, but is an indicator of problems within the partnership. This should be recognised at the outset and a process of speaking truth to one another with love and compassion put in place immediately. This is not creating conflict; it is addressing and ameliorating conflict. Where both do not recognise that, they are then culpable in regard to any negative outcomes, and rightly subject to blame when made aware of imminent breakdown.
With men as problem solvers, and women as pain avoiders, unfortunately the norm is conflict and communication breakdown. It therefore matters not the first to fall out of love, the first to look elsewhere for LoveX12, or the first to leave. Neither party can plead ignorance. Nor does it matter if it is a mutual decision to separate, when at the end of the day love fades to such a degree that one or other or both are forced, or walk freely, down the path of separation and divorce. This may be for the well-being of the individual or both, even though not be fully recognised at the time by them, or specifically communicated.
The failure to manage one's suffering, and to be oblivious to its impact upon the other, can lead to a falling out of love, or diminution of love. If not addressed on both sides through a technique such as Buddha Love, the end is inevitable. Tragically, separation may see one or both partners still in love with the other, but in a situation where the sustainability of their intimate relationship is no longer possible, or at least one or both believe that. The truth may likely be otherwise ...... Buddha Love provides hope.
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8. Addenda - AI video
An experimental, 15 minute long video version of an edited form of the above article was generated by the present writer on 1 July 2025 using the CapCut AI video generator program. It is available below:
An amended version with an un-emotive, straight speaking young man in a lab coat avatar presenter is also available:
As test cases they were only partially successful, with graphical and text glitches evident. They nevertheless point to the usefulness of such evolving technologies.
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9. References
NB: During 2025 the internet began to be flooded with AI generated videos and content. Often this material was collected from classic texts and turned into multimedia videos on YouTube. Where this has been identified by the present author it is indicated by the term AI in the citation.
Benjamin, Carl, New York Times writer realises women have destroyed men, Akkad Daily, 24 June 2024, YouTube, duration: 17.49 minutes.
Bialik, Mayam, Why women are more unhappily married, Dr. Mayam Bialik, 6 August 2024, YouTube, duration: 138 minutes.
-----, The science behind good sex and how to have sexual intimacy, Dr. Mayam Bialik, 18 February 2025, YouTube, duration: 88 minutes.
Brizendine, Louann, The Female Brain, Harmony, 2007, 304p.
-----, The Male Brain: An owner's manual for every man, and a cheat sheet for every woman!, Bantam, 2011, 304p.
Bush, Kate, Running up that hill (A Deal with God), live, 1987, YouTube, 6 June 2010, duration: 4.53 minutes.
Chelak, Liz, Emotional Dysregulation, Trauma Therapy Centre, West Palm Beach, accessed 10 July 2025.
Chopra, Deepak, This is how souls heal each other, Dr. Mayam Bialik, 2025, YouTube short, duration: 0.54 minutes.
de Botton, Allain (a), "All mental illness stems from lack of attuned care or love to this person," Dr. Rangan Chatterjee, 21 November 2025, YouTube, [Short] duration: 1.10 minutes / [Full episode] 105.26 minutes.
----- (b), How to fix your negative patterns, The School of Life, 27 March 2025, YouTube, duration: 108.18 minutes.
Drucker, Rachel, Men, where have you gone? Please come back, The New York Times, 20 June 2025. [Subscription access only]
Harasymchuk, Cheryl, Happy wife, happy life? A harmonious relationship is the responsibility of both partners, The Conversation, 19 October 2022.
How, Laura, How to get your relationship needs met, Laura How - Truth, 27 November 2024, YouTube, duration: 14.35 minutes.
-----, Why a sexual marriage is a healthy marriage, Laura How - Truth, 18 March 2025, YouTube, duration: 9.51 minutes.
Lapine, June Nicole, Is this 'The Average Male Fantasy'?, ShoeOnHead, 3 June 2025, YouTube, duration: 29.03 minutes.
Levine, Amir and Rachel Heller, Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find - and keep - love, Tarcher, 2012, 304p.
Lewis, Thomas, Fari Amini and Richard Lannon, A General Theory of Love, Knopf, 2001, 288p.
Littlefair, Sam, Nine Buddhists teachers explain suffering, Lion's Roar, 30 April 2020.
Maoli, Nazanin, Ten sexless relationship effects no one talks about, Dr. Nazanin Maoli, 11 September 2023, YouTube, duration: 11.34 minutes.
Myth Weaver, QED Schumann Consciousness, Myth Weaver, 25 June 2025, YouTube, duration: 19.28 minutes.
Nazarenko, Margarita, 10 brutal truths about women (This will make you mad), Margarita Nazarenko, 8 July 2025, YouTube, duration: 23.20 minutes. List: (1) Women do not like men as they are, they merely like the idea of men (2) Women want control more than they want love (3) Women are more narcissistic than they think (4) Women crave to be chosen, but they refuse to have a spirit of sharing (5) Women use sex as a weapon and then act shocked when it backfires (6) Women are addicted to the fantasy of having it all (7) Women struggle with self-awareness (8) Women don't understand men, and most don't want to (9) Women's competition with other women destroys communities (10) Women hold more power than they admit and they misuse it.
-----, 10 brutal truths about men, and what it means for us, Margarita Nazarenko, 15 July 2025, YouTube, duration: 28.51 minutes. List: (1) Men are more likely (1 in 5) to leave you when times get tough (2) If he's not getting something from you, he will not stick around (3) Men crave respect more than they crave love (4) He will let you do the emotional heavy lifting in the relationship and not even realise he is doing it (5) Men struggle to be alone so they will move on faster (6) Men often shut down instead of working through problems (7) Physical intimacy is tied directly to his heart, connecting love and intimacy through physical affection and sexuality (8) You can't change men (9) His ego is fragile (10) Men will say what you want to hear.
Perry, Louise, The case against the sexual revolution: A new guide to sex in the 21st century, Polity, 2022, 200p.
----- (a), Against the sexual revolution, Jordan B Peterson, 14 February 2023, YouTube, duration: 105.12 minutes.
----- (b), Why men are quietly giving up on women, Chris Williamson, 27 December 2023, YouTube, duration: 16.43 minutes.
Roger, Eric, Why women are single - "Men, where have you gone?", Eric Rogers, YouTube, duration: 21.54 minutes.
Seitz, Karyn, Men: Stop trying to make your wife happy, The Happy Wife School, YouTube, 2024, duration: 0.30 minutes.
-----, Why your wife is so emotionally dysregulated, The Happy Wife School, 4 May 2025, YouTube, duration: 70.08 minutes.
-----, Q&A: Why your wife is never interested in conflict resolution, The Happy Wife School, 20 July 2025, YouTube, duration: 66.05 minutes.
Why modern men are quietly giving up on love - Kierkegaard, Psychrypt (AI), 14 July 2025, YouTube, duration: 25.00 minutes.
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Williamson, Chris, Why men and women are giving up on love, The diary of a CEO, 14 April 2023, YouTube, duration: 11.44 minutes.
Yun, Venerable Master Hsing, 366 Days of Wisdom, Fo Guang Publications, Malaysia, 2024, 770p.
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| Buddhism | Consciousness | Love in the workplace | Partner relationships |
Last updated: 20 July 2025
Michael Organ, Australia
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